Criminals beware! Real superheroes are out there, and they mean business.

There is a total of 36 card-carrying crime fighters worldwide. Thirty-two registered superheroes are located in 18 states in America. There are also 2 in Canada, 1 in Iraq and 1 in Ireland.

While browsing through this registry of superheroes, I noticed that nearly all of them don’t have any archenemies or super villains . We need to find these “heroes” a nemesis. I recommend that they apply for an Antagonist through The Guild of Calamitous Intent, whose motto is “hate you can trust.”

While I appreciate their endeavor, I have to be realistic: What the hell are these people thinking? Are they serious? Look at some of their costumes. They look ridiculous. Maybe their super power is the ability to humiliate themselves to such an extent that the criminals stop what they are doing to fall on the ground in hysterics.